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1、
下面是我的兩封信，一份是老的，一份是后來看了帖子略有改進(jìn)的，麻煩你幫我看看呢 老開發(fā)新：
Dear Gurkan
This is Evan Jin from Changzhou Guangxin International Trading Company, China.I am very glad to get your name card and write this mail to instroduce our company to  you.
Our company was built up in 1996. It is nearly 14 year until now. We have our own factories for Men's Jacket, Jeans, Kid's garments. Also we have lots of cooperated factories for other kinds of clothes and the fabric.we are doing well in the kid's garments, baby clothes, dresses, denim garments and so on. You know, the kid's garments take big part in the garment market. Hope we can have good cooperation in this area, and do well together in the kid's garments.I am very honored to write you and looking forward to hearing from you.
B,regards

新開發(fā)信:
Dear Allison Milgrom
This is Evan Jin from Changzhou Guangxin International Trading Company, China.I am very glad to get your name card and write this mail to instroduce our company to  you.we are the supplier of Target and Walmart kid's clothes.
Hope we can have good cooperation in this area, and do well together in the kid's garments.I am very honored to write you and looking forward to hearing from you.
B,regards

我個人覺得，你介紹你們叫常州某某公司，一般老外都不會知道的，所以這句話也可以省了，公司名放在簽名里就可以了嘛，那就再簡單點：
Dear Allison,
Glad to get your name card!We're the supplier of WAL-MART and TARGET for Kid's clothes. Hope to cooperate with you!
I'll send you some details in a separate mail. Thank you!
Kind regards,
Evan
Changzhou *** Co., Ltd.
Tel:
Fax:
Mail:   
然后寫第二封郵件，補充你們的一些優(yōu)勢產(chǎn)品，甚至可以部分報價，然后告訴客人，沃爾瑪問你們采購什么，target問你們買什么，你們的優(yōu)勢在哪里。

可以加一些圖片之類的資料，但是盡量小一點。為什么要分兩封郵件寫，就是怕第一封里面加?xùn)|西會被服務(wù)器攔截，但是你分開寫，而且第一封郵件里注明，details會給他另外一封郵件，那客人就會知道，如果沒收到也會找你。  

然后再寫第三封郵件，突出你們和大買家合作的細(xì)節(jié)，比如說你們通過了他們的驗廠，這些都是可以大大增加客人印象分的.

2、
LZ激勵人的水平也是一流的，我每天上班第一時間就來看貼了。我已經(jīng)從第一樓看到現(xiàn)在，雖然前面有說到開發(fā)信的內(nèi)容，但希望LZ幫我改一下。謝謝。
Dear Sir/Madam,
I'm glad to know you,This is Tracy Lee from GF furniture hardware factory in china.We are the producer of  high quality office furniture , modern classical furniture,metal furniture,eames series furniture,furniture hardware and so on.
I attached our e-catalog for your reference,Any demands please kindly contact with us.
Thanks.Best regards.

QUOTE:
LZ激勵人的水平也是一流的，我每天上班第一時間就來看貼了。我已經(jīng)從第一樓看到現(xiàn)在，雖然前面有說到開發(fā)信的內(nèi)容，但希望LZ幫我改一下。謝謝。Dear Sir/Madam,I'm glad to know you,This is Tracy L ...

   
呵呵，沒問題，那我就一句一句分析你的開發(fā)信，朋友們也一起看看，是不是還有其他問題。先把你原文放這里，下面再分析。

Dear Sir/Madam,I'm glad to know you,This is Tracy Lee from GF furniture hardware factory in china.We are the producer of  high quality office furniture , modern classical furniture,metal furniture,eames series furniture,furniture hardware and so on.I attached our e-catalog for your reference,Any demands please kindly contact with us.Thanks.Best regards.
1）開頭Dear Sir/Madam，最好不要這樣寫，如果知道客人名字，最好把名字寫上，會給他一種尊重的感覺。即便實在不知道名字，知道對方是男是女也行啊，最好就是寫Dear sir或Dear madam，這樣也會舒服點。如果連對方男女都不好判斷，那就寫Dear Sir or Madam, 最好不要出現(xiàn)"/"這個符號，客人更容易覺得這是封群發(fā)的模板郵件。

2）I'm glad to know you. 這句話是有問題的，我知道你想表達(dá)的意思，但是這句是典型的Chinglish，就是中國式英文，你根據(jù)中文的意思字面翻譯的，但是這句話不這樣說，不能說表達(dá)有錯，只能說表達(dá)不地道！我相信你從來不會從歐美客人的郵件里發(fā)現(xiàn)這句話的。如果你見過這個客人，可以說“Glad to see you in Shenzhen.”或“Glad to see you in Canton Fair”，或者 “Thank you for visiting our company!”等等表達(dá)方式，或者干脆用"Glad to write to you!"，盡量用歐美人的寒暄方式，不要用中國式問候硬翻成英文，很別扭的。

3）This is Tracy Lee from GF furniture hardware factory in china. 這句話沒錯，但是為了突出工廠，最好寫成GF Furniture Hardware Factory.

4）We are the producer of  high quality office furniture, modern classical furniture, metal furniture, eames series furniture, furniture hardware and so on. 這句話是不是有點長？如果要寫長句，最好用一下從句，結(jié)構(gòu)上會比較分明，看上去舒服一點。另外producer這個詞我個人覺得，視覺沖擊力沒有manufacturer強。當(dāng)然這只是我個人看法。

5）I attached our e-catalog for your reference, 首先這是一整句話，最后要用句號，不是逗號。還有，你郵件里第一人稱太多了，先是I，再是We，現(xiàn)在又是I開頭的句子，句型太單調(diào)了，會讓看的人覺得很無聊。如果換成"Attached our e-catalogue for your reference!"或者"Enclosed our e-catalogue for your review!"是不是會稍微好一點？

6）Any demands please kindly contact with us. 一開始就談“需求”是不是太直接了？如果換成有任何問題，請隨時聯(lián)系我們，會不會更加委婉一些？

   好了，根據(jù)以上的分析，我重新寫一下，看看是不是比原文有一點進(jìn)步了：
Dear Sir or Madam,
Glad to write to you! This is Tracy Lee from GF Furniture Hardware Factory in China. We're the MANUFACTURER of high quality furniture with competitive price! Such as office furniture, modern classic furniture, metal furniture, hardwares, etc.
Attached our e-catalogue for your reference! Quotation sheet will be provided at once if needed.
Any questions, pls do not hesitate to contact me.
Thank you!Best regards,
Tracy Lee

3、
強力支持樓主的貼！我第一個曬自己的開發(fā)信，請樓主指點
Dear sirs:
From the internet, we get your company name. What I want is just to see that if we have the chance to cooperation in the near future or not.We are a factory of fiberglass in China and our main product is chopped strand mat (CSM) and stitch chopped strand mat and etc.We have been in the field for many years. I can give you the CSM in very competitive price and higher quality.
If you need more information, please go to our website：www.fiberglassproducer.comI wonder if you need this product; if you are interested in our products, please kindly return this mail.Maybe now you have regular business partner。if so，please leave my message in your email box，maybe someday it will be useful。
If you need the price to compare with your partner gives, welcome!
Yours sincerely
Jack

很多地方我實話實說，你千萬別介意??！我個人認(rèn)為，你的開發(fā)信有以下幾個問題：
1）文字太長，很難掃一眼就看明白，至少要花10多秒鐘時間來看。而一般老外看郵件通常就是3秒掃一眼，然后決定郵件的命運。可以把它刪減一下，突出重點就可以了。

2）From the internet這句不好，給客人感覺你就像是個搞推銷的。其實你沒收到客人主動的詢盤，開發(fā)信最好寫的“含糊”一點，不要說“我從哪里哪里得到你的信息”，這點和外貿(mào)函電課本上是完全相反的！請大家千萬要注意！很多客人對推銷信很反感，因為他每天都收到各種騷擾，實在不勝其煩。最好一開始給客人一種模棱兩可的感覺，他也記不起來究竟是以前問你詢過價呢，還是展會上有見過你。
所以“From the internet, we get your company name. ”類似的話千萬不要說?。?！說了反而會有反效果。     可以這樣寫："We're glad to hear that you're on the market for..."， ---我們很高興獲悉你對某某產(chǎn)品有興趣。    
這是不是好很多呢？客人會想，我是不是B2B上問他詢過價？還是今年或去年哪次展會上見過這家伙？只要你切中要害，他回復(fù)你了，那目的就達(dá)到了！等到你們來來回回聯(lián)系很多次了，客人知道你僅僅是在網(wǎng)上搜到他的聯(lián)系方式，也不會那么防備和介意了。對吧？

3）公司介紹太多，最好一筆帶過。客人不會有太大興趣去看的。只有等他對你的產(chǎn)品，價格各方面都有興趣，他才會要了解一下你們是什么樣的公司，什么規(guī)模之類的。

4）很多很多多余的話可以刪掉的。比如說“我知道你有老供應(yīng)商，但請你保留我的郵件，也許你有一天用得上……”這類的話都可以刪掉。即使你寫了，他想刪掉，你也不能控制啊。最好的辦法就是什么都不寫，但是讓他有那么一刻的猶豫，是不是先存一下這封郵件。這就是你字里行間需要把握的地方！

5）最后一句話是全文里面最不好的一句“If you need the price to compare with your partner gives, welcome!”。我知道你想表達(dá)的意思是，我這邊價格很好的，非常歡迎您和別的供應(yīng)商比較價格。你想告訴客人的是，你的價格很有優(yōu)勢，不怕比較。但是給客人理解起來，就是完全另外一種味道了。   

這是中國文化和西方文化之間的差異，西方人看來，這句話有惡意貶低他人的嫌疑。而且一分錢一分貨的道理他們是知道的。專業(yè)的客人和大買家都不會在一開始隨便談?wù)搩r格，聰明的sales也不會在一開始談?wù)搩r格，只有當(dāng)你把所有問題都搞清楚了，最后談價格，成交率會大大提高。如果有朋友讀過Roger Dawson寫的“Secrets of Power Negotiating”，就知道怎樣跟客人談價格了。這是題外話，我以后如果寫一篇如何跟客人談價格有關(guān)的文章，會詳細(xì)論述的。   

如果你這個客人正巧做的是中高端市場，你這句話讓他一看，就會覺得你賣的東西是cheap item，不是他的style，那就畫蛇添足了。更何況這句話有點拽，讓人讀上去的第一感覺不太舒服。要突出自己的價格優(yōu)勢沒錯，但最好不要這么直接，旁敲側(cè)擊讓他明白，反而效果更好，不信的話可以試一下哦。   

好了，說了不少了，下面我會把改好的開發(fā)信放上來。
這是我改的，你試著和你原來的開發(fā)信比較一下，是不是大大減肥了？
Hi Sir,
Glad to hear that you're on the market for fiberglass. We specialize in this field for several years, with the strength of chopped strand mat and stitch chopped strand mat, with good quality and pretty competitive price.
Should you have any questions, pls do not hesitate to contact me.
FREE SAMPLES will be sent for your evaluation!
Tks & br,
Jack
**** company (這里留下公司名、電話、傳真、郵件就可以了，正文就可以寫的很簡單。)
Tel: ***
Fax: ***
Mail: ***
Website: ******  (請記住，如果你非要在里面加上網(wǎng)頁鏈接，請放在簽名里，不要放正文，讓人感覺更像搞推銷的，不太好。)   

  一開始開門見山指出，很高興獲悉您對某某產(chǎn)品感興趣，我們專業(yè)生產(chǎn)這類產(chǎn)品多年，優(yōu)勢在于什么地方，質(zhì)量好，價格相當(dāng)有競爭力。這樣就已經(jīng)把要表達(dá)的意思表達(dá)出來了。     

第二段就是兩句話，有問題隨時聯(lián)系我，免費樣品隨時會寄來供您測試！既表達(dá)了你想要合作的愿望，又表示了自己的誠意，只要您有需要，我們隨時為您服務(wù)。這樣寫的就給人感覺不卑不亢，既沒有顯得很拽，也沒有在老外面前矮一截。大家是平等的關(guān)系，本來就是相互的合作，找機(jī)會爭取雙贏。這點反而會讓西方人比較贊賞。  

   不是說價格低就能贏得訂單的，真正拿到order是綜合性的考量，價格是重要的一方面，但不是完全的。除了有少部分只看價格的客人除外。

4、
樓主請教。怎么把我忽視了？ 樓主看了你的貼受益匪淺。很佩服你的能力跟胸懷。小弟有幾個問題請教一下。望有時間指導(dǎo)一下，不勝感激。我公司是生產(chǎn)具有手機(jī)充電 ，讀卡功能的手機(jī)掛件和迷你U充。要插在電腦里充的。市面上百分之70的手機(jī)可以用。是新產(chǎn)品。我不知道怎么找目標(biāo)客戶有時不知所錯。因為是新產(chǎn)品。老外不知道這個東西。我這個產(chǎn)產(chǎn)品開發(fā)信的標(biāo)題怎么寫好一點。

下面是我的開發(fā)信希望樓主能改一下。謝了標(biāo)題Maybe we'll have a cooperation-A  exclusive factory
Hi sir/madam
Have a good day! This is Rocky，Sales from ShenZhen JeeJa Eletronics Industral Co .,Ltd.We are a manufacture of different kinds of the  multi-functional innovative  gifts in China.,with good quality andy pretty competitive price.
Should you have any questions,pls do not hesitate to contact me. Free samples will be sent for your evaluaiton!
Ths&br,       
Rocky lee

    標(biāo)題絕對絕對不能這樣寫，很多老外一看這種“尋求合作”之類的主題，就直接刪掉了，連點都不能點開。既然你們的產(chǎn)品比較特殊，我覺得就需要特別加強，以吸引客人興趣看下去：Re: Mini Cell phone charger-UNIQUE MODEL!!!/*** (這里***部分可以填你的公司名，或者寫supplier of 某大客戶)既然是新產(chǎn)品，你肯定要突出差異化，所以加上“unique model”，表示產(chǎn)品的特殊性。

    開發(fā)信可以簡單一點：
Hi sir,
Glad to inform that we already developed a unique model, Mini cell phone charger, which good for promotion!We'd like to highly recommend this model to you, pls have a try in your local market if possible.
Enclosed the picture with technical info for your review. Free samples can be sent on request!
Thanks and best regards,
***      

5、
請多指教！
師兄， ，請允許我這樣叫你，呵呵。?？戳四愕姆治?，受益匪淺，下面是我的一封開發(fā)信，你能幫我看看，有什么問題么？為什么那些外國佬都不回我呢？
Dear Mr. Mukund Kamath,
I know you as Ideal Icecream from indiamart. You company looks fabulous. It is grateful to know you.As you are in the line of ice cream, and you have the processes of homogenization and refrigeration, so homogenizers and ice cream freezing machine are necessary for you.
And coincidently, we can provide various types of homogenizers and ice cream freezing machine for you.Enclosed is the catalog, please check it.
If our products meet your need, please tell me the type then I can give you more details, if not, please give me some suggestions about our machines.
Thank you very much.
Best regards,

現(xiàn)在回你的，呵呵，你那個均質(zhì)機(jī)的確比較特殊，這個行業(yè)我不懂，只能盡量幫你改一下郵件了：
Dear Mr. Mukund Kamath,
Glad to get your contact info from Indiamart!We supply homogenizers and ice cream freezing machine with good quality and very competitive price.
Hope to be a partner of your company!E-catalog will be provided if needed. Email me or just call me directly.
Thank you!Best regards,
Mandy
******Co., Ltd.
Add: ***
Tel: ***
Fax: ***
Mail: ***
Web: ***      這樣是不是簡潔很多了？而且你要表達(dá)的東西，我上面的幾句話全部表達(dá)出來了。
fabulous, coincidently這類詞不要用。郵件一定要簡單，明白，通俗易懂，連老外的小學(xué)生都看得懂。

6、
這是我的開發(fā)信。很多時候也是針對客人寫開發(fā)信，會做些調(diào)查。目前是有客戶回的。現(xiàn)在還有問題是，我手頭上有2個英國的客戶，樣品我們答應(yīng)免費給了，可是因為我們的產(chǎn)品比較特殊，DHL,UPS 等不直接走，搞的客戶有DHL Account 我們也很難辦。現(xiàn)在我是一個人獨擋一面，又沒人指導(dǎo)，真的是很難。成交的單是荷蘭看的客戶。
先看我的開發(fā)信吧 。

Dear Sir or Madam:
have you ever see the candle very different from the old style ?the birthday candle with music,its appearance is lotus flower .maybe yes,maybe no.let we show you .
We are candle manufacturer was established in 1999.We have got the certificate of ISO,CE and ROHS.We have the patent of the lotus flower birthday musical candle .
If you want to know more ,please see our website www
Kindest Regards
Erica Lin
Phone:
Fax:
Email:
Mobile
   
    呵呵，你再檢查一下，你同一封郵件里連續(xù)出現(xiàn)三次同樣的句型：we...     這屬于嚴(yán)重問題了！    產(chǎn)品如果是危險品，或者是帶電池的產(chǎn)品，快遞不能走，其實有兩個方案的。
第一，弄一個非危證明出來！第二，通過代理，先把貨陸運到香港，再從香港空運出去，同樣是DHL、UPS，香港的貨基本是沒有問題的，不會被查驗。   

開發(fā)信不太有條理，我覺得，句型也太單調(diào)了，第一句話太感性，怎么看像是搞傳銷的，商務(wù)人士不會這樣寫的。不過你的產(chǎn)品包裝上倒可以用這句話，比較會有廣告效應(yīng)。
我?guī)湍愀母目矗?br /> Dear Sir or Madam,
Glad to write to you! We're the candle manufacturer in China, and would like to recommend you our special item, MUSIC CANDLE!The one with nice music when using, and the lotus blossoming when appearing! It was our PATENT, and already got CE & ROHS.Please find the pictures with details in attachment.
Wanna know more about us, pls kindly visit www.******.com
Best regards,
Erica Lin
******Co., Ltd.
Tel: ***
Fax: ***
Mail: ***    你看看，這樣改一下是不是會好一點點？你仔細(xì)看我寫的，沒有一個句型是雷同的，每句話的表達(dá)多多少少有點差異。

7、
您好~~能否占用你一點點時間幫我看下這封郵件，總覺得（with the customers of Vodafone,Philips, Nokia, etc.,now hope to find a way to cooperate with you! ）這句話很是別扭，叫好多同學(xué)給了意見，還是覺得不通順。謝謝了~~
Dear ,

Nice day！

Glad to hear that you are on the market for Bluetooth products.
We, Sunitec Enterprise Co.,Ltd., as a professional OEM&ODM manufacturer for 16 years, covering a wide range of products like Solar-powered Bluetooth handsfree,  Bluetooth speaker/headset, Bluetooth/GPS/WiFi modules,Mobile phone accessory, and already got CE ，F(xiàn)CC& ROHS.with the customers of Vodafone,Philips, Nokia, etc.,now hope to find a way to cooperate with you!
Attached pics with technical info. for your refer., more items, pls visit our website http://www.sunitec.com.tw . If meet your interests, email me or just call me, let’s talk details.
Thanks and best regards!

Echo
順便還想贊一句，無私的你會有很多福報的！

  盡量少用太長的句子，把優(yōu)勢突出來，我?guī)湍愀囊幌拢?br /> Dear ***,
Glad to hear that you're in the market for Bluetooth products. We, Sunitec Enterprise Co.,Ltd., are a professional manufacturer for BLUETOOTH ITEMS for 16 years, covering a wide range of models like Solar-powered Bluetooth handsfree,  Bluetooth speaker/headset, Bluetooth/GPS/WiFi modules, Mobile phone accessory, etc.
CE, FCC& ROHS already passed! We also have rich experience in cooperating with big customers, such as VODAFONE, PHILIPS, NOKIA, and so on. We really hope to find a way to be on service of you!Attached some photos with technical info for your reference.
Should you know more items, pls contact me freely.
Thank you!Best regards,
Echo
******Co., Ltd.
Tel: ***
Fax: ***
Mail: ***
Website: ***

8、
老哥，這是我剛寫給英國商人的一個開發(fā)信，能指教一下嗎？是不是太長了？
Hi Sir or Madam who concerns：Thanks for your concerns,we learn your company who is a leading retailer of contemporary and traditional bathrooms.Our company is specialized in cast iron bathtubs for 17 years.Our company adopted ISO 9001 quality management standards and ISO 14001 Environmental Management Standard.Some pictures in the attachment ,and I recommend you which are luxury bathtubs NH-1007/NH-1008 and simple cast iron bathtub NH-008 Danli.Should you have any questions, pls do not hesitate to contact me. Best regars
我簡單地改了一下，你看看哦：Dear sir,Glad to hear that you're the leading retailer of bathrooms! We specialize in cast iron bathtubs for 17 years, and hope to find a way to cooperate with you!Attached some pictures for your review. Please contact me if any questions.Thanks and best regards,***你還是寫得太長了，能用1個詞絕對不用兩個，能用1句話寫清楚就絕不用兩句，寫郵件要惜字如金?。?/p>

9、
LZ也幫我改一下吧！非常需要你的指點！ To: Purchase ManagerRe: Supplier of Deep Groove ball bearing    April 29, 2010  
                                                      
Dear Sirs,                                                 
It is glad to write to you with keen hope to open a business relationship with you. I obtained your company name and email address from the Internet.
Ningbo Fenghai Bearing Co., Ltd. is a factory specialized in Deep Groove ball bearing. Our products had adopted ISO9001:2000 Quality System Authorities.
For more information, we would like to let you know our company web site as below.http://www.xxx.com.cn
Hope to hear good news from you.
Sincerely Yours,
Sky Export ManagerNingbo   Co., Ltd.

      不錯不錯，你是我看到的幾封開發(fā)信里面寫得最好的了！可以不用改。怪不得是export manager啊，哈哈~     
     我想指出一點的是，老外更在意的，并不是你工廠的ISO9001之類的東西，這些都是虛的。如果你是一個不錯的工廠，被哪些大客人驗過廠，比ISO重要100倍！     
     如果你通過BSCI驗廠，或者Disney驗廠，或者Wal-mart驗廠，那就把這句寫上去！      如：We already passed the factory audit from BSCI, with the scores ***  (BSCI驗廠是有分?jǐn)?shù)的，而且德國Lidl指定BSCI驗的，如果你分?jǐn)?shù)還不錯，說明你的產(chǎn)品已經(jīng)能進(jìn)德國主流市場了。相比之下，BV和SGS之類的就稍微弱一點點。)      又如：We're the supplier of Wal-mart, and already passed the FE from them.

10、
我們是一家普通的面料生產(chǎn)公司?，F(xiàn)在遇到這么一個情況。我需要推廣我們的旗幟面料給澳大利亞的一些公司。我有消息是知道他們有在中國采購旗幟面料。我想打進(jìn)他們的市場。首先我們是比較專業(yè)的做這個面料的，與家樂福，可口可樂，新加坡等發(fā)生過合作。但都是有中間貿(mào)易商的。這次想主動出擊，直接跟他們求購方發(fā)生合作。開發(fā)信要寫的好，我個人覺得才會有后續(xù)的聯(lián)系。希望你能幫助我!這個是我試寫的 請你幫我修改下~謝謝，
Dear XX
Glad to hear that you're on the market for flag/Banner,We specialize in this field for several years.We supply to Carrefour and Coca-Cola banner fabric, or export to other countries create national flag, ad flag,with good quality and pretty competitive price.Should you have any questions, pls do not hesitate to contact me.
FREE SAMPLES will be sent for your evaluation!
Tks & br,
Haining
Boyu Warp Knitting Co., Ltd.Vine QianE-mail: sales@boyuwarp.cnTel :86-573-87670668Fax:86-573-87670667標(biāo)題怎么寫好捏- -怎么樣才誘人呢

你郵件可以不用改，但是主題可以這樣寫：Re: Flag & Banner factory/Coca-Cola, Carrefour supplier/FREE SAMPLES provided!你根本不用跟客人說你是通過中間商做的，這個問題只有當(dāng)客人來你們公司了，當(dāng)面問起，才告訴他。
優(yōu)勢----必須----突出。。。。。

11、
感謝您的指導(dǎo)！ 再勞煩您點評一下我的開發(fā)信可以嘛？
Dear Purchase Manager,
How’re you?This is Andy Wu From company, we are glad to know that you are in publishing industry.We are a printing service factory with 10+ years’ experience in China. We do all kinds of paper books, catalogues and packaging.We are the long-term supplier of Panasonic, Canon, Gree, Etc.As you know, the cost of printing a book with the same quality in China, is much lower than it costs in Australia.
If you have any printing jobs to do, please kindly talk to me for details.
Would you please kindly transfer this mail to the right person if you are not in charge of purchasing?
Thank you!Best regards,
Andy
你的郵件沒問題，但是主題要寫好！比如這樣寫：Re: good quality printing service with low price/Supplier for PANASONIC & CANON!!!    Gree就別寫了，算不上國際品牌，老外大部分都沒聽過。

12、
QUOTE:
Dear Manager, Have a nice day.(此句有無必要？)
Glad to know you are a professional dealer of heavy duty machinery.We are supplier for wheel loader, excavator etc with superior quality,  ...

    Have a nice day去掉吧，沒必要的。以后你和客人熟了，再偶爾打個招呼就可以了。

   另外，你簽名里的export department不要寫，最好寫你的title，你寫個出口部，老外還是不知道你的職位是什么？你到底干什么？這些都不清楚。還不如用sales manager，或sales representative比較實在，讓別人一看就知道你的工作性質(zhì)。

13、
樓主，你的帖子讓我心悅誠服??！呵呵，我新手一名，麻煩幫我改一下開發(fā)信可以嗎？
Dear Chaloem Chingphimai,       
Good days!        
I am Joyce who works for Bosking Power Co.,Ltd which company specializes in brush cutter,mist sprayer and so on.I obtained your business card in 107th canton fair,hope you still remeber me.I have logged in your website,then write this letter to ask you if you have interest in our products.      
Due to many years' experience and professional product knowledge,we can supply you with good quality products and competetive price.If you have any interest,check our website:www.sdbosheng.com or contact me by E-mail,then I will send you the price list.We sincerely want to establish business relationship with you.   
Await to your reply and best wishes for you!      T
hank you!                                                                     
yours faithfully                                                                           
Joyce
發(fā)出去很多，只有兩個客戶回復(fù)還說考慮考慮，我懷疑我的開發(fā)信是不是有問題??？？

    太長了哦，而且從句太多了，第一句里面就有who和which，連續(xù)兩個定語從句，好復(fù)雜啊，客人會看得很累的哦。稍微改簡單一些吧：

Dear Chaloem Chingphimai,
Glad to see you on 107th Canton Fair!This is Joyce from Bosking Power Co., Ltd. We supply brush cutter, mist sprayer, etc. with high quality and low price, with many years experience!
If you have interest, pls visit our website www.sdbosheng.com. Price list will be sent on request!
Please contact me for further details.
Thank you!
Kind regards
,Joyce

14、
大哥， 你幫我看看我寫的這份開發(fā)信，希望能得到你的指教，tks in advance.

Hi Chris,
Glad to hear that you are on the market for stainless steel spinning parts.xxxCo.Ltd is professional at precision machining for nearlly 10 years ,our products covering high precision machining parts , casting , metal parts , etc.
i writing this message of  hoping to establish the business relationship with you in the near feture.For more information, pls visit our wedsite as follows: www.xxx.com.
Any comments , pls don't hesitate to keep us informed. Thanks in advance.
Best regards.
Yours
xxxxxxx  Co., Ltd.
TEL:
FAX:
Email:
Website

   其實你英文應(yīng)該不錯的，我覺得。郵件基本沒有問題，只是還可以稍微減減肥。我試著幫你改一下，你看看，有什么差別：
Hi Chris,
Glad to hear that you are on the market for stainless steel spinning parts.We, xxx Co. Ltd, is professional in precision machining for nearlly 10 years, covering high precision machining parts, casting parts, metal parts, etc.
Hope to establish business relationship with you!Should you wanna know more about our company, pls visit www.xxx.com.
Any comments, that'll be appreciated! Thanks.
Best regards,
xxxxxxx  Co., Ltd.
TEL:
FAX:
Email:

15、
QUOTE:
這帖子更的我都來不及細(xì)細(xì)的看了，大家感謝樓主的話說的實在太多了。。。。。。。。。大家好，我是一名新手外貿(mào)，做濕巾和洗手液的，產(chǎn)品熟悉的差不多了，現(xiàn)在每天也都上網(wǎng)找客戶，寫開發(fā)新信，可是一直都沒收 ...

    內(nèi)容沒問題，可能是你主題沒寫好吧。
    我建議主題花點功夫去研究一下，可以這樣寫：Re: Wet wipes & Hand sanitizer/supplier for Watsons, Wangning, Dear Soft, etc./Free sample provided

16、
LZ能否幫我修改下開發(fā)信
LZ你好，能否抽空看下我的開發(fā)信呢，不好的地方幫我修改下哈，謝謝了。我們是分公司，沒有自己的網(wǎng)站，只有總公司的，所以為了能讓客戶看到我們的產(chǎn)品，我也放上了可以看到我們產(chǎn)品的網(wǎng)址，不知道這樣可不可以?
Dear Sir or Madam,
Have a nice day!I am Jenny,from XXXXXXCo.,Ltd. Our company is specialized in manufacturing xxx, We offer competitve price for quality products.
If you want to know more details,Please visit our web: www.XXXXX.comYou can see our product on the web:http://www.XXXXX
If you have any question,pls feel free to contact me.I am looking forward for your early reply,
thank you!Best Regards,
Jenny
E-M:                MSN:             SKYPE:   ADD:                WEB:TEL:                 FAX:

你的網(wǎng)址整整出現(xiàn)了三遍，正文里兩遍，簽名里一遍，太重復(fù)了！只要一遍就可以了。    另外，msn和skype去掉，專業(yè)的公司和客人是不會寫這些東西的。簽名里只能有公司名，電話，傳真，郵箱，最多再加上你的title，公司網(wǎng)址，還有地址。

17、
謝謝LZ的指導(dǎo) 我其實還只是個外貿(mào)新人，才做一個月呢。由于廠里就我一個人在做外貿(mào)，所以我就稱自己是EXPORT MANGER ,這樣聽上去比較威風(fēng)吧！ 我們廠是日本的三菱電梯的供貨商，可是沒有經(jīng)過 ...

    你可以在名片上印上sales manager，因為export manager不是太準(zhǔn)確，老外從來不這樣叫，要么是sales manager，或者sales director，或者marketing director，最后一個一般是大公司的業(yè)務(wù)主管用得比較多。我建議用sales manager比較好，

        但是有一點，你必須對產(chǎn)品比較懂，對軸承的工藝流程、材料、市場情況都有一定的了解，否則寫email還好點，一旦當(dāng)面和客人談判，一問三不知就麻煩了?？腿藭哪氵@個sales manager，進(jìn)而對你們公司不信任的。所以一定要加強對產(chǎn)品的熟悉，功力深厚了，那些鬼佬怎么刁難都不怕！  

          給三菱供配件，那其實可以在這一點上大作宣傳的。畢竟這年頭的buyer，沒有聽過Mitsubishi的估計很少很少?？梢栽陂_發(fā)信里寫清楚，We supply *** for MITSUBISHI for several years! 這樣一句話其實很有說服力的！句子別太長，短一點，讀起來更加有力！ 

         嘿嘿，再告訴你一個秘訣，為什么我建議開發(fā)信寫的短一點。因為比較牛的老外和比較牛的公司，是絕對不會有時間寫長篇大論的東西的，也不會有時間去看又臭又長的郵件。比如說我要采購東西，我絕對不會長篇大論告訴供應(yīng)商我要什么什么東西，什么型號，什么規(guī)格，什么重量等等，這是不可能的，我需要供應(yīng)商給我相應(yīng)的方案！誰比較專業(yè)，誰的服務(wù)好，誰的價格有優(yōu)勢，綜合起來最不錯的我就會下單給他。其實就這么回事。呵呵。

18、
樓主，我有一封開發(fā)信，請你幫我改改，謝啦！Re: selling the festival supplies    
Dear Sirs or Madam,
We know your information from international internet in April, 2010. Now, I’m writing to you to see if there is a chance to establish a business relationship with you.
When you have a good time with your relatives or friends during the festival，do you want to share the festival mood with them? Then you can try our products, the confetti cannon, the party popper, and party mask and so on. We, the Yongkang Kaixin Arts&Crafts.,ltd, are one of the largest festival supplies manufacturers in China.Our company was founded in 2000, specialized in manufacturing festival supplies to add the happiness of festivals, such as the confetti popper, the streamer by hand-actuated, the snow spray and so on.
Our product hold high reputation by the clients in the world wide with the high quality and favorable price.　If you are interesting in our product, please let us know immediately and we will send the details of our products.We look forward to your early reply.　　
Best regards,
Rectina Wong

坦白說，郵件里面千萬不要出現(xiàn)感性的句子，所以諸如"When you have a good time with your relatives or friends during the festival，do you want to share the festival mood with them? Then you can try our products, the confetti cannon, the party popper, and party mask and so on." 這些話就可以直接刪掉了。

還有后面我們的產(chǎn)品贏得良好口碑之類的話也不用講，第一你沒法向客人證明，老外喜歡用數(shù)字和證書之類的實際來說話，任何提不出有力證據(jù)支撐的話他們是不會信的。還不如說一句我們產(chǎn)品不錯，價格公道就可以了。另外開頭寫的太長了，而且這兩句話的確沒什么意義。

我?guī)湍愀牧艘幌驴纯矗?br /> Dear sir or madam,
Glad to write to you!We, Yongkang Kaixin Arts & Crafts Co., Ltd., is one of the biggest festival item manufacturers in China!
Our company was founded in 2000, specialized in manufacturing festival supplies to add the happiness of festivals, such as the confetti popper, the streamer by hand-actuated, the snow spray and so on.
If any item meets your interest, pls keep me posted! Offer sheet will be sent to you at once!If any reply, that will be appreciated.
Thanks.Kind regards,
Rectina Wong
呵呵，Wong這個拼寫很有意思啊，似乎只有香港人會這么拼哦。如果是“王”，大陸拼寫是Wang，香港拼成Wong；如果是“黃”，大陸拼寫是Huang，香港拼成Won。

19、
QUOTE:
樓主你好，附上我的開發(fā)信，煩請幫忙修改一下！謝謝啦！呵呵！RE:Wheel balancer and Tyre changerYingkou AoWei Automobile Maintenance Technology Co.,Ltd.Dear Purchasing Manager:Good mornin ...

    你的郵件重復(fù)性太高。我不知道你的RE:Wheel balancer and Tyre changer是主題呢，還是寫在正文里的？類似的話你的郵件里總共出現(xiàn)了三遍，太多了哦！
根據(jù)英語寫作的慣例，同樣的名詞、形容詞、副詞、詞組、句型等等，一般只能在一篇文章里出現(xiàn)一次，絕對不能出現(xiàn)兩次的！除非是萬不得已的情況下。就像四六級考試，你如果作文想拿滿分，或者是只扣1分的情況下，就必須做到這一點，不重復(fù)！   

寫郵件也是一樣的，同樣的話出現(xiàn)幾遍，是很不正常的，老外會覺得別扭。你可以仔細(xì)研究一下客人的郵件，很少用通篇用一兩種句型的，形容詞也會經(jīng)常變化，同一個詞一般不會用兩遍，除非是特別強調(diào)的情況下。   
所以通篇都是We'll..., We're...這樣的句型只有我們才會寫，老外是不會這樣寫的。必須要糾正過來！要用客人的思維去寫郵件。同樣一句話，我們會盡快寄你樣品，很多人會寫We'll send you the samples asap. 但是比較好的寫法應(yīng)該是Samples will be sent to you asap.  

又比如product這個詞，一旦你郵件里已經(jīng)提到“我們的產(chǎn)品”這類話，用our products，那下面如果還需要表達(dá)“產(chǎn)品”這個詞，那就盡量別再用product了，用item，或者model，或者the ones等等來代替上文中提到的，總之用詞不能重復(fù)。   

中國人還有個習(xí)慣，郵件里喜歡用very這個詞來表示程度。東西很好是very good，價格很便宜是very cheap，表示很高興收到郵件是very glad to receive your mail，等等。同樣very這個程度副詞也只能在郵件里出現(xiàn)一次的！需要第二次表示“非常”這個意思，可以用“pretty”， “extremely”，“highly”，“by far”等等，盡量表達(dá)要多樣化，意思準(zhǔn)確，但是語言不枯燥。  

我?guī)湍愀牧烁泥]件，你看一下哦。
good morning就不必了，你們不熟，以后熟了再說。
Thanks for your time to read my mail也不用了，因為他看不看你現(xiàn)在也不知道，如果沒看，直接刪了，你就白thank了。如果他看了，并回復(fù)了，你再thank也不遲哦~
另外格式需要規(guī)劃一下，并空行，段落和段落之間必須條理清楚。比如第二段肯定要比第一段和第三段多，否則會頭重腳輕，或者是看起來整體不協(xié)調(diào)。
Dear Purchasing Manager:
Glad to hear that you are on the market for Wheel balancer and Tyre changer.We are the manufacturer of the items above.
Pls visit our website to know more about us: www.yktld.com.kindly contact me if any questions. It is our pleasure to be on service of you!
Thanks and best regards,
KarenSales representative
****** Co., Ltd.
Add: ******, ******, ******, P.R.China
Tel: ******
Fax: ******
Mail: ******
Web: ******   
你仔細(xì)分析一下我寫的，沒有一個句型是重復(fù)的！而且都是短句，不羅嗦。段落和段落之間要分清楚，第一段和第三段永遠(yuǎn)要少于第二段的文字！把簽名補充完整，就差不多了

開發(fā)信案例22、
樓主，寫了封開發(fā)信，求您幫參謀參謀！前提是這個客人以前有過一點聯(lián)系，沒做成單子之后就斷了，現(xiàn)在我想揀起來！幫看看這樣寫行不行？尤其是紅色的部分，那樣寫合適么？懇請樓主回復(fù)！
SUBJECT:
Introduced by BHi C,Today is 2nd,June.Tuesday.It should be the first day you return to work.Wolcome back.（C出差今天回來）This's A from China and I have connected with B （C的同事）before.
We are a chinese manufactory and specialise in XX ,XX,XX and other products for over 10years.I  know a lot about  your products and we can offer qualified products according to your style with competitive price.Been informed that you are taking care of import vendors.Hope to find a way to cooperate with you!
Free samples can be provided on request.Looking forward to your kind reply!
best regards,
A

1）Today is 2nd,June.Tuesday.It should be the first day you return to work.Wolcome back. 這句話可以去掉，我個人覺得是廢話，而且welcome還拼錯了。

2）This's這個縮寫我還是頭一次見到，應(yīng)該是不能這樣寫的吧？等英語高手來回答。。。

3）connected with貌似也有問題，如果你的電腦連接公司服務(wù)器，倒是可以用connected with。這個用法我不能確定算不算錯，但是肯定不地道，你什么時候見老外這樣寫的？

4）manufactory這個單詞其實要少用。嘿嘿，這個詞我正好研究過，在國外一般指的是“handmade”，也就是手工制作的工廠。如果你們的產(chǎn)品大部分是手工做的，很少用到機(jī)器，那這樣的工廠就可以叫manufactory。所以最好還是用manufacturer或者factory比較合適。你說呢？

5）know a lot這句話挺中國化的，英文一般不這樣說，通常會用have full knowledge of...這樣的句型。

6）I  know a lot about  your products and we can offer qualified products according to your style with competitive price. 這句話太長了，一眼看過去覺得暈，要好好理解才能明白你這句說的是什么。

7）Been informed that you are taking care of import vendors. 這句話也怪怪的，怎么讀怎么別扭。而且import vendor這個說法有么？用vendor就可以了。

8）hope開頭的兩句話貌似是抄我的。既然如此，為什么前前后后其他句型都不抄呢？ 

  點評完畢，下面“美容一下”，看能不能簡潔一點，能不能幾句話就把事情說清楚。

Hi C,
Glad to get your contact info from your colleague B!This is A from ***Co., Ltd. in China. We're a manufacturer for **,**, **, etc for 10 years. Your products can be provided by us with good quality and competitive price.
Sincerely hope to find a way to cooperate with you! Please contact me if any questions.
Thank you!Best regards,